This pict was also from orientation. This is a Stanford thing called fountain-hopping. We literally jump in fountains (there are many) around campus late at night and play in the water. (John got sick. Then, I got sick from him.) 

This is a really old pict during the week of orientation. These are the freshmen in our dorm. I 

The black and white group. John, me, Kirsten, Maren, Stephanie, Allison, Ellora, Libby, Chimlum, Amy, Andrea, Drew, Matt, Jess, Jamie  

Kirsten and Ellora being themselves (exuberant). 

Kirsten's B-day - here with the guys: Drew, Matt, me, Chim Lum, Jamie, and Johnny infront of the lounge piano. 

Lots of stuff and black & white

Argh! This has been such a stressful time. I haven't had time in the last two weeks to take a breath. *breathes* ..... hmmmm.....what has happened?.....

Okay, about two weeks ago, President Bush was re-elected. People got drunk. People got sad. People move on. Oh well. Well get him out in four years for sure. It still was really sad on campus the day after. But, in the separate world of college, the bad things in life just kind of sink out of sight into the abyss of the rest of the world. Too many things to do, to worry about…. I don’t know, you just let time file away the sharp edges of reality. And you just put everything else aside. But, I just do hope that something will be done with the Kyoto Plan that has been accepted by every other G8 nation in the world except the US. I don’t think the economy will be too greatly benefited by global warming. But, I sadly think Bush is not seeing that. And it makes me sad…..

Anyhow, I’ll move beyond that. Two weeks ago, my friends and I had a black and white themed birthday party. It was for our dear Kirsten. We all dressed in black and white, had food, took pictures, and watched black and white Hitchcock movies – Strangers on a Train, and Pyscho. I had a lot of fun and the pictures are awesome. So, I’ll post them with this entry. That Saturday (the next day) I went to a Caribbean Party at EBF (the Enchanted Broccoli Forrest) and I do believe I got sick from that night. The dancing was pretty extreme. However, I was seduced quite early in the night. Once we (JS, Aubrey, and Samia) got there, (well, I first noticed the really cushiony carpet) I was enticed by a balloon floating around. It was as if it was beckoning me throughout the night….luring me….. So, I did what I always do when I want something. I make my move to get it. And guess what? I got it. I was so FREAKING happy for the rest of the night. I was dancing, skipping the way back. JS called me different and unique. I didn’t care. I was so sincerely happy (for once). It was so irrational. So, that night I decided that I am always sad minus the little things in life that make me happy. Then, I seize these little things – regardless of what it is – with all I got and squeeze it until it’s a little pulp and bring it home with me. Hahaha (sorry…. I’m having too much fun with this analogy).

Then….came the week of hell – physically.

I started to get so much gunk stuck in my throat and hence my throat was so dry and raspy every morning. Then, the coughing started. C’etait horrible! So I did what any reasonable person would do, I got drugged up on cough syrup. And then, I got pilled with vitamins and minerals. Nevertheless, I was chronically coughing in all my classes and feeling like crap every morning. It was ever so depressing to see me. I felt depressed looking and thinking about myself. But, the big one really hit me one morning when I didn’t have breakfast because I woke up late for my 9AM class but still drank all my medication. Awwwww….. I cringe now thinking about how miserable I felt. During French and after it, I felt like simultaneously puking and collapsing from fatigue. So, I ended up sitting on the floor of a bathroom stall for like half an hour trying to recoup. This was when I decided I was gonna skip my next four classes. And to make things all the better, it was raining hard that day and I had forgotten to take my umbrella (b/c I was late). So, I then dragged myself out of the restroom and managed to start my trek back to my room. But, it was raining too hard at that time and I didn’t think I could handle getting wet. So, I found myself a bench and I lied down for another thirty minutes until the rain stopped. I lied sprawled on the bench in complete exhaustion. Seriously, I thought I was gonna to just give in. Oddly, I was thinking about my funeral. Who would come and what would be said about me. How no one really understood me. And other niceties like such. It finally did stopped raining, so I started back…. Still thinking about death…..(my IHUM class is really getting to me).

*pause* which brings me to topics of my IHUM class. We have discussed – is death bad or good (we decided it was good), what you do to dead bodies, what rituals are performed after death, the meaningless of death, and next week we go into suicide then assisted suicide. And after all this, they will hand back our essays. I really wonder why this order..... But, Yay!…… can’t you tell I’m always thinking about pretty flowers and happy cows?
*unpause*

But, I barely got back. Hari, my roomie, had a field trip that day. So, I was with myself for the next eight hours reclined on my bed and thinking, or rather brooding. I had JS bring me food, but I was offered no company. So, I continued in my solitude. I was only offered consolation statements like “that sucks” or “that really sucks.” (vocabulary has really come to a impasse) So, what did I do? I read depressing novelettes, obviously…. And then I re-read them. And then I continued thinking. Pondering. Imagining. It was so borderline delirium. But, I got better. It was a good thing it was a Thursday with no work due the next day. But, I did a lot of thinking that day. (eight hours of it)

Well, that weekend (which was last weekend) I went to a pyjama party. I was sick so that was no fun. However, I did save my friend Maren from weird guys that night. That was nice of me. And I think im getting a cough drop addiction. Oh well.

Then, on Saturday I had the Screw Your Sibling thing. It was okay. I had some fun and I guess that’s all you can really ask for. We, my family, went to Palo Alto for dinner at Zabibbo – an expensive Mediterranean restaurant. Then we went to Kimball and had a pre-party in Iesan’s room. Afterwards, we went to the SYS dance. I got back at 12:30 and played foosball until two that morning with Aubrey and JS and Steph.

On Sunday I did lots of work.

This last week I had a math mid-term (not too bad), an IHUM paper due (not bad, but oh so long), and a French test (not bad at all). But, soooo much in one week. I’m ever so happy that it’s all over.

So, I’m letting that happiness soak in right now.

Tonight, I’m going to a concert at Stanford’s Memorial Church by the University Singers. They are performing Mozart’s Requiem tonight. I’ll be going with Kirsten.

Tomorrow, I’ll be off to Berkeley for “the BIG GAME.” It shall be interesting and entertaining.

Sorry for the long wait. Now here are some pictures.

Scavenger Hunt....... Cooper in the cove catching a basball from the stadium behind us. 

This was my scavenger group - Kirsten, Amy, Maren, Samia, Cooper, Shivaram, and me (and wet boxers). We won. 

Us protesting in public ...... is if you can read it. (It's about succession) 

Scavenger Hunt Picture........This was one of our pics - us praying to a baseball idol. 

This is a street at Stanford with lots of color. 

This is an image of the "dish trail" with the golden Californian grass along the way. I remind you that it is forbidden to go off of the trail..........(how stupid) 

Finding..... Catching "It"

Last weekend was Halloween. I definitely enjoyed myself that night.

On Friday night, I went to a French party. But I got the wrong time, so we (being Aubrey, Amy, Alissa, Maren, Andrea, Libby, JS, and me) went to La Maison Francaise an hour early. So, we sat and talked. Then, some of the girls wanted to change into something more fitting so they went back to change – hence, leaving Amy, Aubrey, JS, and me to walk around for about thirty minutes. It was dark and nice outside. Still, I was limping. So……. I felt like I just tagged along. We got back to the party and had overly-priced crepes. YAY! (not really) It got really crowded – I guess that house was the “place to be” that night. So, we left and then we followed thumping music to another party where we danced to ourselves in our little group. However, this was a costume party – and we weren’t wearing costumes. (Note: It is very easy to find parties when you walk with girls in short skirts. People shout out at you to come to their parties.) The costumes were actually very artistic and innovative: there was a giraffe, a shower, a light bulb, lots of drag, and sci-fi creatures. Anyhow, it got boring really fast and JS seemed really eager to go back. So we did. We went back and I took a shower – I hadn’t done so for two days, so it was good. Then we went to Max’s room and line danced (the electric slide) to country music. Then, I went to sleep. It was an okay night.

I started out Saturday with a four mile walk to Stanford’s radio satellite on a high hill on campus. I was planning to go with a friend; but, he ended up with work. So, I went alone. I think I walked and thought for about four hours in solitude. The weather was amazing that day. It was a clear and warm day. The trail is called the “dish” – it being the walk to and from the satellite. It was really, really fun. Minus one thing – the rule that you cannot touch anything. You can’t walk on the dead grass and you definitely cannot touch the trees or plants. I made the lethal mistake of sitting on a scenic tree. It got nasty…..but, oh well…….I guess they were only doing their jobs.

That same night, Saturday, a large group of people from the dorm decided to go out partying. And we did. We went to a dry Otero party, a crowed Xanadu party, and a weird Synergist party. I didn’t drink at all; but, I felt drunk. I had a lot of fun dancing that night. We danced into about two in the morning.

There was a lot of grinding. But, I guess that’s the only thing that you can do with modern music. Oh wait, there was also some swaying. But, you forget that part and you just have a fun time with your friends. It’s better to grind with people you know than complete strangers that are only looking to get into pants – other than theirs. Again, I must mention that Stanford is a very liberal school, so we danced in large orgies with either gender. Personally, I had an exorbitantly large quantity of fun that night. There wasn’t as much nudity at these parties. But, many people were very close to it. Oh! The Synergist party had all black lights, so I had lots of fun with glowing clothing. Then, there was also glow-in-the-dark body painting. However, they started playing really odd blues-reggae music that you can only really enjoy if you were high. (Most people were either drunk or high or both – so they enjoyed it) But, my somber self didn’t like it too much. Plus, I got really bored with the swaying. So, we left at about two. I crashed that night. I did a lot of dancing with Kimber and JS that night.

I had lots of fun. But, it felt so artificial…. like it was a one night fling…. like it wasn’t gonna happen again…. I didn’t feel that feeling that I had last year with my HS friends after we did something that made me as happy. It was kind of sad – even when I was so happy. It only makes me wonder if I can ever be completely, consummately, entirely happy. When will I be thoroughly content….or is this it? Is this all that I am to expect for the rest of my life? I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t know what to think or feel. I know that it exists. It must be possible. It is still (and forevermore) so elusive. Darn it. I just want to contrive a trap that can capture this it. But, there is no trap. No guarantee. Always fluttering away. Always dodging the nets. Always missing me…

These are some trees in the Main Quad on the full moon. 

Full Moon on the Quad - Lots of people being crazy. The notorious Stanford Band is seen in the background.