Finding..... Catching "It"
Last weekend was Halloween. I definitely enjoyed myself that night.
On Friday night, I went to a French party. But I got the wrong time, so we (being Aubrey, Amy, Alissa, Maren, Andrea, Libby, JS, and me) went to La Maison Francaise an hour early. So, we sat and talked. Then, some of the girls wanted to change into something more fitting so they went back to change – hence, leaving Amy, Aubrey, JS, and me to walk around for about thirty minutes. It was dark and nice outside. Still, I was limping. So……. I felt like I just tagged along. We got back to the party and had overly-priced crepes. YAY! (not really) It got really crowded – I guess that house was the “place to be” that night. So, we left and then we followed thumping music to another party where we danced to ourselves in our little group. However, this was a costume party – and we weren’t wearing costumes. (Note: It is very easy to find parties when you walk with girls in short skirts. People shout out at you to come to their parties.) The costumes were actually very artistic and innovative: there was a giraffe, a shower, a light bulb, lots of drag, and sci-fi creatures. Anyhow, it got boring really fast and JS seemed really eager to go back. So we did. We went back and I took a shower – I hadn’t done so for two days, so it was good. Then we went to Max’s room and line danced (the electric slide) to country music. Then, I went to sleep. It was an okay night.
I started out Saturday with a four mile walk to Stanford’s radio satellite on a high hill on campus. I was planning to go with a friend; but, he ended up with work. So, I went alone. I think I walked and thought for about four hours in solitude. The weather was amazing that day. It was a clear and warm day. The trail is called the “dish” – it being the walk to and from the satellite. It was really, really fun. Minus one thing – the rule that you cannot touch anything. You can’t walk on the dead grass and you definitely cannot touch the trees or plants. I made the lethal mistake of sitting on a scenic tree. It got nasty…..but, oh well…….I guess they were only doing their jobs.
That same night, Saturday, a large group of people from the dorm decided to go out partying. And we did. We went to a dry Otero party, a crowed Xanadu party, and a weird Synergist party. I didn’t drink at all; but, I felt drunk. I had a lot of fun dancing that night. We danced into about two in the morning.
There was a lot of grinding. But, I guess that’s the only thing that you can do with modern music. Oh wait, there was also some swaying. But, you forget that part and you just have a fun time with your friends. It’s better to grind with people you know than complete strangers that are only looking to get into pants – other than theirs. Again, I must mention that Stanford is a very liberal school, so we danced in large orgies with either gender. Personally, I had an exorbitantly large quantity of fun that night. There wasn’t as much nudity at these parties. But, many people were very close to it. Oh! The Synergist party had all black lights, so I had lots of fun with glowing clothing. Then, there was also glow-in-the-dark body painting. However, they started playing really odd blues-reggae music that you can only really enjoy if you were high. (Most people were either drunk or high or both – so they enjoyed it) But, my somber self didn’t like it too much. Plus, I got really bored with the swaying. So, we left at about two. I crashed that night. I did a lot of dancing with Kimber and JS that night.
I had lots of fun. But, it felt so artificial…. like it was a one night fling…. like it wasn’t gonna happen again…. I didn’t feel that feeling that I had last year with my HS friends after we did something that made me as happy. It was kind of sad – even when I was so happy. It only makes me wonder if I can ever be completely, consummately, entirely happy. When will I be thoroughly content….or is this it? Is this all that I am to expect for the rest of my life? I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t know what to think or feel. I know that it exists. It must be possible. It is still (and forevermore) so elusive. Darn it. I just want to contrive a trap that can capture this it. But, there is no trap. No guarantee. Always fluttering away. Always dodging the nets. Always missing me…
On Friday night, I went to a French party. But I got the wrong time, so we (being Aubrey, Amy, Alissa, Maren, Andrea, Libby, JS, and me) went to La Maison Francaise an hour early. So, we sat and talked. Then, some of the girls wanted to change into something more fitting so they went back to change – hence, leaving Amy, Aubrey, JS, and me to walk around for about thirty minutes. It was dark and nice outside. Still, I was limping. So……. I felt like I just tagged along. We got back to the party and had overly-priced crepes. YAY! (not really) It got really crowded – I guess that house was the “place to be” that night. So, we left and then we followed thumping music to another party where we danced to ourselves in our little group. However, this was a costume party – and we weren’t wearing costumes. (Note: It is very easy to find parties when you walk with girls in short skirts. People shout out at you to come to their parties.) The costumes were actually very artistic and innovative: there was a giraffe, a shower, a light bulb, lots of drag, and sci-fi creatures. Anyhow, it got boring really fast and JS seemed really eager to go back. So we did. We went back and I took a shower – I hadn’t done so for two days, so it was good. Then we went to Max’s room and line danced (the electric slide) to country music. Then, I went to sleep. It was an okay night.
I started out Saturday with a four mile walk to Stanford’s radio satellite on a high hill on campus. I was planning to go with a friend; but, he ended up with work. So, I went alone. I think I walked and thought for about four hours in solitude. The weather was amazing that day. It was a clear and warm day. The trail is called the “dish” – it being the walk to and from the satellite. It was really, really fun. Minus one thing – the rule that you cannot touch anything. You can’t walk on the dead grass and you definitely cannot touch the trees or plants. I made the lethal mistake of sitting on a scenic tree. It got nasty…..but, oh well…….I guess they were only doing their jobs.
That same night, Saturday, a large group of people from the dorm decided to go out partying. And we did. We went to a dry Otero party, a crowed Xanadu party, and a weird Synergist party. I didn’t drink at all; but, I felt drunk. I had a lot of fun dancing that night. We danced into about two in the morning.
There was a lot of grinding. But, I guess that’s the only thing that you can do with modern music. Oh wait, there was also some swaying. But, you forget that part and you just have a fun time with your friends. It’s better to grind with people you know than complete strangers that are only looking to get into pants – other than theirs. Again, I must mention that Stanford is a very liberal school, so we danced in large orgies with either gender. Personally, I had an exorbitantly large quantity of fun that night. There wasn’t as much nudity at these parties. But, many people were very close to it. Oh! The Synergist party had all black lights, so I had lots of fun with glowing clothing. Then, there was also glow-in-the-dark body painting. However, they started playing really odd blues-reggae music that you can only really enjoy if you were high. (Most people were either drunk or high or both – so they enjoyed it) But, my somber self didn’t like it too much. Plus, I got really bored with the swaying. So, we left at about two. I crashed that night. I did a lot of dancing with Kimber and JS that night.
I had lots of fun. But, it felt so artificial…. like it was a one night fling…. like it wasn’t gonna happen again…. I didn’t feel that feeling that I had last year with my HS friends after we did something that made me as happy. It was kind of sad – even when I was so happy. It only makes me wonder if I can ever be completely, consummately, entirely happy. When will I be thoroughly content….or is this it? Is this all that I am to expect for the rest of my life? I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t know what to think or feel. I know that it exists. It must be possible. It is still (and forevermore) so elusive. Darn it. I just want to contrive a trap that can capture this it. But, there is no trap. No guarantee. Always fluttering away. Always dodging the nets. Always missing me…
posted by Tri Luong at 2:19 AM
2 Comments:
I think it is possible.. but only in a more fitting setting with specific people (to be completely happy) - AJ
PS: but what do I know? I'm a failure at that
Thanks for posting.
My happiness is always going to be extremely hard to reach. But, tha's because I'm weird like that and too complicated for my own good. Easy things just don't come to me.
But, you seemed happy for the longest time. I think that's worth something. Even if it didn't last. All things end. You can only relish in the happiness that has happened or is happening.
-tree
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