Three Day Break

Two weeks done.

I finished the second week with more problem sets and a French test. How exciting! So, now I'm reading more Shakespeare and doing stuff. It's 2 in the morning right now. So....I might not be the most coherent person. But, that's okay.

The dense sky is letting off. I went to the lake last night by myself. The stars were quite brilliant and the crescent moon added a very modest touch to the overall panoramic. The lake actually had some water in it. A little more than a puddle. After sitting on a pole by the lake for about an hour thinking, I went dancing with friends. No booze though. Always none. Hahaha....I don't even know what type of drunk I am. But, I'll find out soon enough with Maren. It's coming up......

Remember my balloon of happiness? Well, it died. Nothing but a hanging sack of rubber now. Dangling......rather unmajestically from my window with its brother, the black balloon of unhappiness - which is still inflated. My roommate is asleep.

I'm totally by myself this weekend - it seems like. Maybe soon enough, I'll just get used to it. I'll grow to expect nothing more. Accept the fate that after all, I'm still doomed to eternal soledad. Then, things will just happen. No more wasteful hoping and waiting. Just realistic spending of time. I have a microwave now.

I want it to rain and thunder. I want it to pour and scream. I want to feel nature. I need it.

Argh!

Just a passivity now. Just a re-occurence of things in its monotomy. I got a job at the library. Now I smile to strangers more often and more methodically - the generic. Sometimes I want to jump across the counter and get into someone's face and shout at them for their banality. Just yell at their insipidness. Force them back into a meaning. Rather than prod through a listless life devoid of veracity. I guess I like my job. I see more of my professors. I get to see more books. I get to be by myself.

I strikes me that I need someone to attach to.

MLK is this week. I get another day at home/dorm. When will it be synonymous? Never? I don't know. No more safety net of mom and dad home. Just me standing. Just wandering. Itinerant. Inquirer? Forager? meandering.......

I'm actually for most of the time happy. I think I have found what I'm looking for. Just waiting for it to come about successfully. But, knowing me, it's not gonna be any easy. Complication is most closely related to me. I need to just ....... I don't even know most of the time. If you could only tell me.

So, it does come off quite clearly that I'm doing too much thinking. I probably just need more things to do so that I'll be pre-occupied and not think as much. My eternal curse.
(the irony of words......curse and cures.....one simple inversion)

same as service and servitude - just one extra syllable. just one more utterance. just one extra second. All the difference of the world. The humour of humanity and its creations.
(this is from Hythloday of Thomas More - how I sympathize wi'thee)

Show me an answer that worked for you.